


Dissociative Identity Disorder (Keith)

by AllTimePhan73



Series: Voltron Short Stories [15]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Anxiety, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Not in a literal sense just in a psychological sense, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-02-29 16:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18781720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a rare condition in which two or more distinct identities, or personality states, are present in—and alternately take control of—an individual. Some people describe this as an experience of possession. The person also experiences memory loss that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really heavy story, okay? Please stay safe. Quite a few trigger warnings apply here: self harm, abuse (physical and sexual), panic attacks.
> 
> Also, I've done SO MUCH research into this topic (you can tell I got a bit carried away because this one shot is looooong) because I find it really interesting but, still, I am not an expert. There are probably many mistakes in this one shot so please don't take any of it as fact or use it for reference. Thank you and now, onto the saddest but most interesting thing I have ever written (this may be an exaggeration, you decide)

Lance raised his hand to knock on Keith's door. When Keith didn't respond, he took it upon himself to press the button to let himself into the red paladin's bedroom. "Uh... Keith?" Lance glanced around but couldn't find Keith anywhere. "I could've sworn I saw him come in here..." Just as Lance was about to turn around and leave, a soft cry filled his ears. He froze, raising his shoulders and scanning the room. He followed the sound of the next cry, slowly pulling open the wardrobe to reveal a shaking Keith. He was hugging his legs with his head buried into his knees. "You okay, dude?"

"L-Leave me alone!" Keith yelled, the word 'leave' coming out more like 'weave'. It sounded like Keith was putting on a child's voice or something but it didn't look like he was joking.

"What's up? Why are you hiding?"

"Get away!"

"Do you want me to get Shiro?"

"No one else!" Keith turned his head so that Lance could see his teary eyes. Despite being almost the same height as Lance, he looked like a kid. "Weave me alone!"

"Okay, okay!" Lance backed up with raised hands in defence before leaving the room with a heavy weight in his chest. He was tempted to go and speak to Shiro but Keith hadn't wanted him to do that and the red paladin deserved some privacy.

-

The next morning, Lance poked Keith's side at breakfast to get his attention. When Keith turned his head to look at Lance, he whispered, "You feeling better?" Keith's eyes thinned and he scanned Lance's face for any hints as to what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?" Keith murmured, turning his attention back to his food. He was absentmindedly pushing the meal around his plate as if his mind was somewhere else.

"Yesterday? You seemed really upset."

Keith's face paled as he stabbed a piece of goo with the top of his fork. "I'm fine, Lance."

-

Once again, Lance ended up outside Keith's door. Keith hadn't shown up to the training session so Shiro had requested Lance go and get him. Lance knocked but, upon receiving no response, he ended up opening the door himself. He expected to see Keith curled up in bed, having slept through breakfast, but the room was empty. "Uh... Keith?" Lance made sure to check the wardrobe but, sure enough, it was devoid of anything except clothes. On second thought, Lance raised his hand to knock on the door to the bathroom connected to the bedroom. He waited a couple of seconds but, once the silence had grown too heavy, he shoved the door open, almost frantically. Keith was sat up on the floor, cradling his bloody arm and mumbling something. The gash up his arm looked extremely painful and red covered most of Keith and the tiles on the bathroom floor, creating a hauntingly beautiful painting. "Keith!"

"T-That's not my name." Keith muttered, eyes momentarily flicking up to glance at Lance.

"Your arm- quiznak, Keith... Did you do that to yourself?"

"I'm not Keith."

"I'm going to get Shiro, okay? You just- you wait here." Lance broke into a run, almost tripping over Keith's jacket that had been strewn across the floor. He shouted for Shiro until he came into view and was able to follow Lance back to Keith's room. When they got there, Keith was holding his knife out in front of him.

"Don't come near us." Keith looked so distant. His eyes were thin slits full of venom and his arm was rigid in front of him. Shiro and Lance exchanged similar looks of concern.

"...Us?" Shiro mumbled, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, us. Step back."

"Who is us?"

"Me and Keith, obviously."

"Who... are you?" Shiro's voice was wobbly, as if he was on the verge of crying. Lance was watching from the doorway whilst playing with his hands.

"My name is Akira. I protect Keith from the bad people."

"The bad people..?"

"Yes."

"We need to look at your cut, okay? Put the knife down." Shiro's soft eyes were difficult to ignore so Keith placed the knife at his side. "Okay, can you stand up for me? I'm going to take you to the medbay." Keith let out a tiny growl to show off his irritation but followed Shiro and Lance regardless. He refused to touch either of them the entire way there and flinched when he had to be inevitably touched to put the bandage on.

-

"We need to talk about what happened yesterday." Shiro said, approaching Keith in his bedroom. Lance stood in the doorway so that he couldn't run.

"What happened yesterday?" Keith questioned, thinning his eyes and diverting his gaze between Shiro and Lance.

"Your arm."

Keith took one glance at his bandaged arm before mumbling a tiny, "Oh."

"You used a different name for yourself. Akira. Why is that?" Keith turned his head, refusing to make any further eye contact. He sunk down onto the bed and pulled his legs against his chest before burying his head into his knees. When Keith didn't reply, Shiro continued speaking. "You also mentioned... bad people? Who are the bad people?"

"I don't want to talk about this. P-Please..."

"Keith, we just want to understand. If something's going on, we should know about it. We want to help you, okay? We aren't going to judge or hurt you." Shiro reached out and placed a hand on Keith's shoulder but he jolted back as if it had burnt him.

"Get away from me!" Keith screamed, pressing his back up against the wall. He covered his face with his hands and his shoulders were obviously shaking. He looked terrified.

"Keith, we aren't going to hurt you."

"That's not- I'm not Keith!" Keith came out more like "Queef", as if Keith was doing that childlike voice again. Shiro turned his head to meet eyes with Lance. Both looked equally as confused and pained.

"He did this the other day." Lance murmured, stepping forward. "He used this weird voice and he sounded like a kid..." Lance turned to Keith and smiled ever so softly. "What's your name then?"

"Tommy."

"And how old are you?" Keith held up a trembling hand, displaying five fingers. "I think we should talk to Pidge or Coran. They might know what's going on with him."

Shiro nodded. "What can we do to make you feel better, Ke- Tommy?"

"Bunsy Bun?" Shiro turned to Lance who just shrugged to show he had no idea what Keith was going on about. "My bunny rabbit." **(Hi, this is basically a little Easter egg. In one of my other stories, I mention a stuffed rabbit called Bunsy Bun. If you can find it, I will give you a hug and whatever else you want.)** Lance couldn't help but coo as Keith said 'wabbit' and pointed towards his wardrobe. Lance headed over to it before pulling it open to see a tiny stuffed rabbit toy sat inside. Lance brought it back to Keith whose face lit up like the sun as he cuddled it against his chest. "'M tired." So Keith basically was a little kid again. Lance knew how to deal with that because of his younger siblings. He climbed onto the bed beside Keith and gently pulled him into a cuddling position. After a couple of minutes of Lance playing with Keith's hair, he fell asleep.

-

"Shiro..." Keith hunched his shoulders over as he stared down at the ground. "I- I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean for that to happen."

"For what to happen?" Shiro questioned, furrowing his eyebrows.

"For one of the others to come out. I know one of them did because I can't remember anything after you coming into my room."

"One of the others?"

"I have alters, Shiro." Keith finally met Shiro's eyes and he maintained the contact, as much as it pained him too. His hands were trembling so he shoved them into his pockets. He had to stay calm. "I have dissociative identity disorder."

 _That_ made sense. Shiro was almost ashamed of himself for not noticing sooner. It seemed obvious now that he knew: Keith's gaps in his memories, the bad people, the other names Keith tended to call himself. _It made so much sense_. "Oh."

"Yeah. I should have told you sooner."

"No, no, I understand." Shiro wrapped his arms around a stiff Keith, allowing him to bury his head into Shiro's shoulder.

"C-Can you tell Lance? I was going to but- but he might-" Keith's breaths started to come out in gasps so Shiro rubbed his hand up and down his back in a soothing way.

"I'll tell him for you. Did you want to tell the others too?"

Keith shook his head, his long hair falling against his face. "Not yet."

-

"From what I know, there are five of us, including me. There might be others but I don't really remember. I have blackouts when they come out a lot so... yeah. There's Akira. He protects me, I think. He doesn't like being near people and I think he might have hurt some people before. He thinks everyone wants to hurt him. Then there's Tommy. He's a kid. He has a stuffed toy that I got when I was five. My therapist told me that I regress to him when I get stressed or overwhelmed. There's also... uh... Kaleigh. She's a girl. I don't know much about her. She doesn't talk to me." Keith glanced up at Lance and Shiro to see if they had reacted at all negatively. Neither of them looked like they were judging him but he knew not to trust a person's facial expression. It was only when Lance placed a soft hand on his knee that he understood that he really was safe. "The last one is Damien. He hates me. My therapist told me that he was just all of my self-hatred mustered into a person. It makes sense, I guess. He cut my arm. I hear him talking to me all the time and he tells me he wants to kill me."

"We won't let him kill you." Shiro defensively said, wrapping an arm around Keith's waist. The red paladin's breath hitched as he wiped his eyes with his fists.

"I can't control them. They just come out. My therapist and I sort of decided what triggers them. Uh... Akira comes out when I'm in pain or thinking back to... some stuff that happened when I was a kid. Kaleigh comes out when I'm happy, I think. She doesn't come out that often. Damien comes out when I'm anxious or scared."

"It sounds like you know a lot about your alters." Lance responded, rubbing Keith's knee. He hung his head, swallowing thickly as he stared down at his lap.

"I don't know much at all. That's just what I've gathered from what they tell me and my therapist. I hate it so much though. I can't remember massive gaps of my life and it freaks me out. What if Damien comes out and hurts one of you? I don't even know when he's-" Keith was beginning to hyperventilate so Lance started to murmur soft, soothing words. Tears trailed down Keith's cheeks, encouraging Shiro to lean forward and wipe them away.

"That's not going to happen, okay? We won't let him hurt us."

"I hope so..."

"Do you know what causes it? Is it something to do with your brain or-"

"I don't want to talk about it. Please, don't make me talk about it."

-

"I got abused," Keith muttered one day when he was lying in bed with Lance. He had his head on top of Lance's chest as they stared up at the ceiling together. Lance was loosely playing with Keith's hair, tangling strands of it around his finger without even realising what he was doing. "My dad died when I was little, you know that. I was put into the foster system and the first family I was sent to treated me like shit. They'd hurt me all the time, degrade me, force me to skip meals and sometimes they even-" Keith's breath hitched as tears trailed down his cheeks. "Sometimes they'd abuse me sexually too. I was so unhappy and afraid. I was only a kid too... I shouldn't have had to experience it but I did." Keith let out a heavy sob whilst all Lance could do was watch. He couldn't take away the red paladin's pain, as much as he wanted to.

"You don't need to talk about this, Keith..."

"I want to. I- I need to tell you." Keith gripped onto the bottom of Lance's jacket with a fist. "It happened almost every day. I'd go to school covered in bruises and starving but no one cared enough to notice. The only reason I ever got out of that... that house was because they almost killed me."

"Oh, Keith..."

"I didn't even do anything wrong... I just remember they screamed at me and they ended up throwing boiling water over me. I was crying so much and- and-" Keith started to wail as he buried his entire head into Lance's chest. Lance began to rub his back whilst Keith's entire body shook with sobs. "I don't wanna go back." Lance could recognise the switch almost immediately. _Tommy_.

"You won't ever have to, okay? I'll protect you. So will Shiro. No one can get passed Shiro."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Castle of Lions was where he was meant to be and the other paladins were his family.

“Uh… what’s wrong with Keith?” Pidge questioned as they attempted to look over Lance’s shoulder into Keith’s bedroom. “Why aren’t we training right now? Has something happened?” Pidge placed their two palms onto Lance’s chest and tried to shove him back but he was too tall and strong.

“He’s fine, don’t worry your little head about it, Pidge. Can you please leave?”

“No. You have to tell me what’s wrong. Is Keith hurt?”

“NO!” Lance raised his voice in an attempt to cover up the noises Keith and Shiro were making behind him. “He’s fine. It’d be really cool if you turned around and walked away. Nothing suspicious is happening here.”

“You know that only makes it sound more suspicious.” Pidge finally managed to duck beneath Lance’s arm and shove him out of the way, allowing them to dive into the room. As soon as their eyes laid upon Keith and Shiro practically cuddling in the room, their mouth fell open and they muttered, “What the fuck.” Eyes tracking down to the stuffed rabbit in Keith’s hands, they raised their eyebrows and were at a loss for assumptions as to what was going on.

“Pidge, why can’t you just respect our privacy?” Lance snapped, grabbing their arm and attempting to pull them out of the room but it was too late. Pidge had seen.

Keith was gripping Shiro’s jacket so harshly that his knuckles were turning white. He had his head tucked into Shiro’s chest and was making himself as small as possible as his entire body shook violently. He was mumbling something that only Shiro could hear due to their proximity, “Please don’t let me get taken away. Please. I don’t wanna go there again.” Shiro softly ran his hand up and down Keith’s back, trying to help him calm down.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing that’s any of your business. I really think you should leave.”

“Lance,” Shiro warned, raising his eyebrows so Lance knew to calm down before he got angry. They were seriously going to struggle with calming Keith down if someone started to raise their voice. “Pidge didn’t know. It’s okay. I think we need to tell them.”

“It’s not our secret to tell.”

“They’re going to find out eventually and we should probably explain ourselves to Pidge. They've already seen enough.”

“Keith has dissociative identity disorder.”

“Multiple personality disorder?” Pidge furrowed their eyebrows and they diverted their gaze between Lance, Shiro and Keith. “But he doesn’t- he seems-”

“He had a traumatic past,” Shiro began to fill in, running one of his hands through Keith’s soft hair. “We can’t go into detail but it meant that he developed DID as a way to… cope, I guess. He has multiple different alters that come out at different times, depending on his emotions and other things like that. Right now, you’re seeing Tommy. He’s basically just a frightened little kid.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry… if- if I had- I wouldn’t-” Pidge seemed at a loss for words so Lance pulled them into a gentle hug.

“You didn’t know. It’s okay. Just… don’t make a big deal out of it, alright?”

“I won’t.”

“And don’t worry, it shouldn’t hinder the team. It hasn’t so far so I think all the training and battling might actually help him.”

-

Hunk raised his hand to knock on Keith’s door, waiting for a few moments but not receiving a response. Eventually, he just pressed the panel to open the door and walked inside. “Keith..?” He questioned, glancing around the bedroom for any signs of life. He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips once he saw Lance’s jacket draped across Keith’s bed. He knew they had been getting closer lately but he hadn’t realised _how_ close.

Calling the red paladin’s name out a second time, he headed towards the door to Keith’s bathroom, knocking. Silence. Trying to suppress his anxiety, he opened the door in search of his friend. Immediately, his eyes settled on Keith but he wasn’t in a good state. “Keith. Keith. Can you hear me?” Hunk raced forward and bent down onto his knees. He began to tear off his jacket to wrap around Keith’s bleeding arms.

Just as he was about to do exactly that, Keith spoke in a menacing tone. “Get away from me.” He pulled the knife that had clearly done all of the damage to himself out of his pocket and waved it towards Hunk.

“You need to listen to me. I have to take you to a pod. You’ve lost a lot of blood and if I don’t cover the wound-” Hunk stopped talking mid-sentence as Keith’s knife sliced his cheek. The sensation of the warm blood dripping down his cheek was enough to trigger further anxiety. “I’m going to get Lance, o-okay?” Keith didn’t say anything as Hunk raced out of the bathroom. Within minutes, he had returned with Lance and Shiro.

“Keith,” Lance started, slowly reaching out to touch Keith’s arm. The red paladin flinched back but kept a firm grip on the blade. “Or is it Akira?”

“Leave Keith alone. He doesn’t want you anywhere near him. You’re going to hurt him.”

“No, we’re not going to hurt him. We’re going to help him. He could- he could die if we don’t get him to a healing pod.”

“Don’t you dare put him in one of those things! You’re going to kill him. Every single one of you want him dead.”

“No, no, we don’t. He’s our friend. We want him alive and happy.” Lance’s voice was beginning to waver but he was determined to get through to Keith. They weren’t going to lose him. “Come on. I don’t even have to touch you and you can look at the settings if you really think we’re going to kill him. We love him as much as you do.”

Keith didn’t have time to reply because his eyelids had suddenly become heavy.

-

“I hurt you…” Keith murmured, eyes glossing over as he stared at the cut across Hunk’s cheek. He couldn’t remember cutting Hunk but who else would have done it? Noticing the broken look on Keith’s face, the yellow paladin just grinned and shook his head.

“Now I have a cool battle scar. All I care about is that you’re okay.”

“You don’t… You don’t even want an explanation of why I did that?”

“Nope. You were terrified and I could see that. I’m sure it was just a defence mechanism kind of thing.”

“I have DID. Dissociative Identity Disorder.” Keith blurted out before he could think about what he was doing. Hunk’s face flashed with multiple emotions all at once before settling on a sorrowful expression.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Lance and Shiro have been helping me out. I understand it all a bit more now.”

“I’m really glad to hear that. If there’s anything I can do to help, just come and find me, alright? And, if you ever need food to cheer you up, I’m right here.”

“Of course you are.” Keith broke out into a grin, realising something. All of his life, he had been tossed from foster home to foster home, experiencing trauma after trauma but, finally, he had found his real home. The Castle of Lions was where he was meant to be and the other paladins were his family.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wanna go home..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New trigger warning for this chapter: kidnapping.

Keith wasn’t sure where he was. The room was pitch black and he couldn’t move any of his limbs. He tried and  _ tried _ to struggle but he was rendered frozen into place. Tears filled his eyes and, soon enough, they were dripping down his face onto the floor of wherever he was. “Is there anyone there?” He questioned, voice trembling. Realising he was never going to get a response, he burst into tears. He really wanted to be back on the Castle of Lions with Lance, Shiro and, most importantly, Bunsy Bun.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” A loud, booming voice said before the light flickered on in the room. Keith was finally able to see but he wished he could go back to the naivety that came with pitch blackness. He was chained up and a large Galran guard was walking right in his direction, holding a blade. 

Keith wanted to curl up on his bed back on the Castle of Lions, making himself as small as possible so that no one could hurt him. He wanted to go home.

“We caught the red paladin. I wonder what Voltron would be prepared to do to get you back. Maybe they could hand over the black lion? Or… maybe they just won’t come back for you and then I can spend the rest of my life torturing you.”

Keith whimpered, choking out a tiny, “I wanna go home...”

The Galran guard raised his eyebrows, leaning forward. “What did you just say?”

“I wanna go home.”

“So pathetic. How can someone like  _ you _ defend the universe? You’re weak and useless. You’re acting like a child. How about we get started then, huh? Don’t worry, I won’t let you die. First, I think we should get that armour off you. It’s a bit restricting, if you know what I mean.”

Keith didn’t know what he meant but he didn’t care because, as soon as the Galran leaned forward and began to cut off his armour, all he could see were his foster parents. The blade hadn’t even touched his skin but he was already screaming so much that his throat was growing hoarse. Tears streamed down his skin as he remembered all of the things he had tried to hard to repress. “Let me go, please! I can’t do this again!” He yelled, so loudly that the guard stumbled backwards with eyebrows raised high.

“I haven’t even hurt you yet, paladin. At least wait until there’s  _ blood _ to start screaming. Breaking you isn’t going to be so fun if you’re already broken.”

Keith couldn’t even hear the guard anymore. He could only hear his own screaming and the sound of the kettle and- something pricked him and his eyes lulled shut.

-

“Can you hear me? Keith? Hello?” Keith’s eyes flickered open at the sound of familiar voices. He tried to lift his head but someone forced it back down with some worried murmurs. “You’re safe. You’re back on the Castle of Lions. We just need to put you in a healing pod, just in case. It doesn’t look like you’re hurt but we have to take the precaution.”

“Shiro..?” Keith mumbled, heavy eyes trying to find him. His head soon appeared above him and he smiled down at the red paladin, assuring him that everything was going to be okay.

“Just stay strong for me, okay? You should be out within a few varga.”

“I wanna go home…”

“You are home, okay? You’re safe.” That was the last thing Keith heard before he was pushed into a healing pod and he passed out.

-

Lance was there when Keith fell out of the pod. He immediately glanced up at Lance with furrowed eyebrows, trying to get his bearings. It looked like he was in the medbay of the Castle of Lions but there was a massive hole in his memory. He couldn’t remember  _ how _ he had got into a healing pod. “Lance? What happened?” He asked, keeping as close to the blue paladin as possible.

“You- Don’t you remember?”

“No? Did I train too much again or something?”

Keith studied the sad expression on Lance’s face but it didn’t trigger anything. “Yeah, yeah, something like that.”

-

Whilst Keith didn’t remember what had happened, Tommy sure did. That was made apparent when Tommy made an appearance one night. Keith had just started to shake in Lance’s arms, curling up so he could make himself smaller. “Keith? You alright?” He asked, just to be met with soft whimpers as replies. “Hey, tell me what happened. What were you thinking about?”

“Don’t touch me. Please. I’m so sorry. I’m really scared. I wanna go home.” Keith was rambling in small whispers, so quietly that Lance had to strain to make out the words. Once he began to rub Keith’s back, Keith uncurled a little bit to look up at him.

“You’re on the Castle of the Lions. You’re home, okay Tommy? Do you want me to get Bunsy Bun for you? And Shiro? I know how much you love Shiro.”

Keith just nodded.

“Okay, I’ll be back in a second. I’ll run.”

Keith nodded again so Lance scrambled up. First, he grabbed Bunsy Bun from the wardrobe and tossed it to Keith who caught it with a small smile on his face. Then, he raced out of the room and started to shout for Shiro who quickly came running. Once they were both in Keith’s room, they squished together on his bed and wrapped their arms around him. Keith’s arms were wrapped around his rabbit whilst he buried his head into Lance’s side. 

“Are you going to send me back?” Keith whimpered, fiddling with Bunsy Bun’s ears just so his hands had something to do. Lance was rubbing his side whilst Shiro was running his hands through his hair, both actions considerably grounding Keith. “You sent me back, didn’t you? Keith promised you wouldn’t do that.”

“We won’t send you back, alright kid? We love you and we don’t want you to get hurt. You just got captured on a mission but we rescued you as quickly as we could. We protected you in the end, just like we promised you we would.” Shiro’s voice was so soft that Keith found himself melting into it, his eyelids growing heavier by the second.

“Will you stay here if I sleep? I don’t want to lose you again…”

“Of course we will.” Lance responded that time, turning his head to press a gentle kiss to Keith’s cheek. Keith’s cheeks flushed as he shifted his position to get comfortable. Shiro couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped his lips once Keith had pressed his head right into Lance’s side and draped his legs over Shiro.

“Getting comfy, aren’t you?”

Keith hummed a tired response before closing his eyes.

-

“Do I want to know how I ended up here?” Keith murmured as he sat up, just to find he was being cuddled by Shiro and Lance. He squinted his eyes, attempting to figure out what may have happened.

“Tommy had a bit of a… breakdown last night. We comforted him and he wanted to sleep with us so we let him.” Shiro explained, patting Keith’s head out of instinct. The red paladin moved away from the touch, glaring at his two friends.

“I’m not Tommy. I don’t know about him but I  _ hate _ being touched.”

“Sure, you do buddy.” Lance laughed, making Keith roll his eyes and shake his head.

“You’re lucky you’re my best friends or I would be fighting you by now.”


End file.
